My investment banker boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months now. It would be safe to say that we have an amazing relationship. I know his family and friends and we see or used to see each other fairly often considering both our hectic schedules - mid-week, fridays and sometimes spend weekends together.
When we first started dating he told me that I need to understand that work can be crazy at times, however as of last week I have never had to grasp the full meaning of his words.
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He wants to get a VP promotion and is currently working on a massive deal that was supposed to be wrapped up today, yet more work came up. I am worried he is not getting enough rest he stays in the office until very late and I also really miss him. Yet, I feel stupid to demand his attention considering how hectic things are at the moment and I completely understand that work is important. We message through the day and he does make an effort but the newfound dynamic of our relationship is taking its toll. Until this point, the longest we haven't seen one another is a week due to both travelling abroad hence this is rather unnatural.
How do I deal with it without being too demanding? Men - what do you expect your woman to be like when work is hectic? I fear suggesting we see each other have already tried organizing something twice last week as it seems like more and more work comes up for him, eventually having to cancel on me and causing unnecessary drama. Advice would be greatly appreciated!
Honestly, don't get in the way, don't cause unnecessary drama and be very supportive. But that's easier said than done, so good luck to you! Thank you, very useful advice! Congrats for staying together through long distance and hectic life schedules - it definitely is not easy. I forgot to note in my original post that we do not live together, which I think adds additional distance especially at times like this when seeing each other is simply impossible.
He's probably not that busy and just using it as an excuse to spend more time with his wife instead Broads always have "back-ups" so I'm sure you're well-versed in what to do in a situation like this. He probably also has a few sets of immediate family, close friends and colleagues that introduces to his different women.
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Put yourself in the shoes of military wives who have to sit through 6 months of their partners being in war zones! I fucking hate comments like yours, so many people try and draw a contrast using the hardship of military service to marginalize someone else--that's not what we're about. OP, there's going to be a new normal.
Just keep in mind that he's probably feeling everything you are and is exhausted on top of that. There are easier or more ideal arrangements, but who cares, it's irrelevant to your situation. Cherish the time you do have together, and I imagine you'll probably end up moving in together at some point, which helps.
I believe that moving in together could be the best solution, seeing him for a small period of time is better than not seeing him at all. To build off this, a lot of the guys in my office schedule dinner with their girlfriends when possible 2x a week? This is probably culture dependent as well but it might be a good way to see each other more often. He's going to have to cancel on you a lot - it happens in a client-facing business.
Things come up, meetings get moved, deadlines get crunched, etc. If something is truly important to you and you want him there, make sure he knows that he needs to put in effort too , but try to be understanding if he cancels dinner on a weeknight. He's not doing it because he doesn't want to be with you. I would add that a minute phone call at night may help you - on his side, if you're going to be there late you're going to be there late, and catching up on the day may help you feel connected to him while he's in the office working.
Do you and anyone who has or is to give advice willing to say if it is worth bringing up when we are seeing each other next? Or shall I let him offer whenever his schedule clears up? Sure, just bring it up in a non-threatening way. Not "so when am I seeing you?
Investment banker boyfriend, how do I handle the crazy hour
Let me take a different approach, instead of what you can do for him, figure out what you can do to help yourself. Have a life of your own, figure out what you really like and go for it, whether it be career, hobbies, interests, non-profit work, etc. Keeping yourself occupied and invested in something of interest will go along way towards helping you manage the difficulties. For me personally, if I'm not able to spend time with my other half because I'm stuck at the office, at least knowing that she's not sitting at home bored and lonely every night, goes a long way towards helping me manage my own stress as well when I'm grinding out a night.
That's very useful, thank you. I am usually quite good at keeping myself occupied but I feel like my mind wanders towards him especially when we haven't seen one another for a few days. Mogwai awesome user name btw and you made a great point! Even if your partner has a regular job non-investment banking job with normal work hours, it is much healthier for both partners to have their own hobbies apart from each other. Tell him the truth - women's desire for sex drops dramatically after the first 2 years of a relationship if not dies completely.
He's missing his prime time now. Tell him it's "use it or lose it". Recommend he speaks with his father or other older heterosexual men he knows well to confirm this. Added that and phone calls daily would help a lot. Lastly, if you truly love him hang in there, don't be like the others and jump ships.
This is helping him more then you know. I have a very high sexual drive and he is aware of it, hence don't think that would be much of an issue. Definitely would do my best to hang in there as he is an amazing guy. They've been together for five months, are you honestly suggesting she bury her feelings to put up a more 'likeable' front?
I am dating a junior banker and it is fine
I am not saying she should be more "likeable", but honestly from personal experience and listening to my friends' experiences for years, arguing over small things like "you promised to see me tonight, but you canceled" is what leads to resentment between partners. Ultimately these small arguments is what drives partners apart and relationships fail. So that's 5 months of investment that does not bear any returns All I am saying is that dating someone who works in high-pressure banking world requires some understanding of the other's party's career choice.
She says he wants to go for VP, so he is focused on his career. Being a supportive and respectful partner is what ultimately saves the relationship. I mean we all just want to be respected and loved for who we are and what we choose to do with our careers is part of who we are.
So it is not a matter of "likability" but a matter of understanding and respect. OP - assuming you're not some dude trolling the rest of us on here, here's a few things you should probably know off the bat. If your boy is trying to make VP soon, take everything you know about your life together now and forget about it. I've worked closely with managing directors and have seen their interactions with their significant others.
Some good, some really bad: It's the norm in this business, rarely the exception. This is what you should know going into this whole relationship, especially if you see this going anywhere long-term.
How to find love when you work in finance
Be kind, be supportive, don't be passive-aggresive, don't nag, don't expect the impossible in terms of time commitment, take advantage of every free moment together and make it memorable. No matter how you two end up, you won't regret it, and won't have to think back to the time you fought over him being 30mins late for dinner because of a client call.
Just my two cents.
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